1. |
Safe Return Doubtful
03:32
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"Then and Now" Music Monologue by Grandpa Cornelius
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2. |
I Said No Guarantees
03:47
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(Chorus)
Will you feel what I feel when it hurts so bad?
Will tell me it’s all right and to never say never?
Will you move when I move? You’re all I ever had.
Will you be the rest of me, but only forever?
(Verse 1)
Questions posed form lonesome sinking
“Why’d you bother?” “Were you thinking?”
Last chance for recalculation
Best hopes squared times hesitation
And we both know your options. Please don’t take them.
If you know your emotions, please don’t fake them.
(Chorus)
(Verse 2)
Break promise. Won’t notice.
Leave the dust on my resolve.
Speak simply. I think slowly.
And I can’t love what I can’t solve.
And we both know your options. Please don’t take them.
If you know your emotions, please don’t fake them.
I can’t promise a thing.
Don’t think I can be all that you have ever wanted.
Yeah conditions are cruel.
Don’t think I can be all that you have ever wanted.
(One more time)
Speak to me the words you spoke before
(Always one more time)
I know it’s late but I need to hear your voice.
(Chorus)
Will you feel what I feel when it hurts so bad?
Will you be the rest of me, but only forever?
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3. |
The Eighty-Four
04:18
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(Verse 1)
There’s only one word for this: Awkward.
It really has been a while. My fault.
If things can be the same you know I hope they will.
There’s only one cure for this and it’s
An extra large dosage of distance
So please be patient with me.
You say that things are hanging by thin threads
I don’t think you heard a word I said
If I was still around then I am certain bitter words would fly
So contact of the intimate kind is
Probably not the thing that is wisest
So please be patient with me.
Enough.
This is why I went away
Because
Conflict is always there
Excuse me if I just can’t take it.
(Chorus)
Cause reasoning with you
Is like finding dry sand on the ocean floor: Impossible.
So if you ever open your mind
and let perspective spend the night
I hope the month I spent away
is dwarfed by the eighty four I stayed.
(Verse Two)
Starting over doesn’t mean being exactly what we were before
and I don’t think that loyalty equates to hours spent.
So you think that I am selfish.
Go ahead. Think what you want.
When emotions make you blind please watch your step.
(Things can’t stay the way they are)
(Chorus)
Please be patient with me.
Watch your step.
Think what you want.
I need some time away.
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4. |
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In summer’s bed did once sleep
Then out of my window did creep
To find beauty that I never did see.
I followed her through the road
Not knowing where she would go
And my hearts desire for her did show.
Just one more night.
And I run, I run, I run till it hurts.
And I risk my life for one more night with her.
Further I am from home than ever I dared to go
And care not
Dusk has given way to bitter night
As I press on calling out “Who are you?”
I hear a fell voice in reply and cease the chase
Her beauty disguising her name: Folly
Whatever breath I once had
is stolen away by chilled winds
brought by a winter that I created.
When I left it felt like you July
Now December is in my bones
And home is all I think of.
Grace.
This snow devil has my soul in her hands.
I’m longing for summer’s hands to carry me into security.
Summer, if you can hear, it’s freezing in my new home.
All I can see from here is that the weather is never changing.
Signed here, unfaithful.
PS, I’m sorry.
And I’d do anything to bask in your rays
To have heaven’s sun burn
To feel warmth again
I am not damned tonight.
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5. |
A White Flag Debut
06:08
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Hello my friend,
Or so to speak,
Again.
You always seem to find me
You find me here
When I am lost
When I am weak.
It seems I’ve been lost.
This sex that I see, it binds me
After all I’ve done to rid myself of you
You still haunt me.
And at this place again
It seems I’ve fallen on my face again
I beg for a sweet separation
And at the place where I digress
Fall back
And for once
Surrender
But not to you
But To the one
For once
Fall back
For once
Surrender
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6. |
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The sun was swallowed up
And light called for retreat that day
When jet fuel rained down on our heads, held high,
Still gripped with disbelief.
Record, broadcast, behold.
Behold, this is your failing world.
Behold, it failed.
Is this the first of seven seals?
“Soon,” he said, “I’m coming. Look eastward.”
“Soon,” he said, “I’m coming.”
The hour is getting late.
We must have been such fools
To think ourselves immune
From all that we deserve
But had been spared from
(The sun was swallowed up and light called for retreat)
The sun.
As lightning lights up the entire sky
So it will be when he comes.
Right now it’s so overcast.
Let me not utter words that would hinder your coming
For if I did they’d only be swept away
There will be no escape
The sun was swallowed up
And light called for retreat that day
Is this the first of seven seals
Or just the prequel to the beginning of the end?
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7. |
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We must get down to business,
So would you kindly put that hammer down?
What do you mean? I never agreed,
At least not to anything like this.
There must have been a glitch in our communication.
This doesn’t match up to my first impressions
Of what you expect.
So tell me,
What’s so light about this burden? What’s so light about hot coals?
Is all this mandatory? Is there a way to perfection without pain?
Where is the peace that you had promised me?
The real you is not exactly how I pictured you would be.
But you are still,
Still you’re in control forever.
And I see you and I know
That I look nothing like you
And a drastic change is certainly in order.
So let your hammer fall
And meet me at the anvil.
The force will crush me
Until I’m a masterpiece
And I’ll try hard to understand.
Start, start the chipping way
(Chipping away, cutting away, scraping off)
The excess I have added
(Take it away. Take it away. Take it all.)
And now that you have started
(Chipping away, cutting away, scraping off)
It brings me new perspective of you.
I think that I have missed the mark
Clarity comes where once lived
a doubt, despair, my will.
A work in progress all my days.
Swing, swing away.
I die and come to life on every impact.
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8. |
Slaughtering Messengers
05:53
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I take a deep breath and I ask myself which way to turn
I’m carrying questions whose answers may never be learned
And I know it’s unhealthy to live by my plan
Trying to reap from unsown land
And I’m slaughtering messengers who come bearing news
The end will come at my own hands.
Night will come and I’ll look to the stars
And I’ll wonder “Why? When? And how far?”
And remind myself I’m not convinced I should exist
And stand torn between rejoicing and shaking my fists.
I know nothing’s gained by advancing then fleeing
But still try to justify forming plan B.
And I reference my “thus far,” unhelpful list,
Of ways I’ve come up with to make things get fixed
And I know it’s unhealthy to live by my plan
Trying to reap from unsown land
And I’m slaughtering messengers who come bearing news
The end will come at my own hands.
Even when you send legions to me
I lift a hand of wrath
Knowing full well the words that they bring
Will never die.
Who will I kill when there’s no one left?
No one but me.
And I know it’s unhealthy to live by my plan
Trying to reap from unsown land
And I’m slaughtering messengers who come bearing news
The end will come at my own hands.
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9. |
Seasonal Friends
03:21
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It feels like winter in this barren wasteland.
(I’ve lost all sense of simplicity. You stole this love from me)
I remember summer when I used to hold your hand.
(This tortured landscape bears your name. You broke my heart again.)
Seasons have come and they have gone.
The separation of these two lives
A face I used to know now painted in disguise.
Sweet words you’ve spoken pierce my heart.
You’ve broken me.
The fire of my anger burns,
Burns against you
Your sugarcoated words are only useless fuel.
My mistrust supported by your piercing lies.
The fire of my anger burns,
Burns against you
This long friendship gone
I guess life moves on.
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10. |
One For The Dark
06:59
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We all dance with death
On the edge of town
We learn by example
We all fall down
And we paint it all black
Like the color of our hearts
As we sing our song
And we dance
The world is black
And our hearts painted black
The sky is black but the sun still shines so bright
But we can’t see past ourselves
And we’ve fallen from heights to the ground below
Until the wolves we used to love
Will devour our flesh
Until all that’s left is black
Black as seed the death we live.
We live a lie but we believe it.
We live a lie.
The world is black
And our hearts painted black
The sky is black but the sun still shines so bright
We know it’s all wrong but still we forge ahead
Doing exactly what we know we shouldn’t do.
We live a lie but we believe it.
We’ve fallen from heights to the ground below.
The wolves we love devour us whole
We’re falling from heights to the ground below
We’re falling down.
We’re falling down and the ground below
Is rushing in to intercept our hope.
With desperate eyes we search the skies
The sun still shines
But the darkness has not understood the light
The light still shines to rescue us
But our eyes have not adjusted.
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11. |
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I washed ashore after countless hours of drifting
And fighting monstrous waves
Marooned alone. No place like home.
I’ve taken long-term residence
on this island that’s a mile past nowhere.
I used to keep a tally of the days since I arrived
But in my lonely madness I’ve lost track of time.
Starved to hear a voice that’s not my own
Craving a companion
I find myself chasing after shadows
But the vanish like a human shaped mirage.
If I had any hope at all that I could make it back
I would brave these angry seas
that hiss, and taunt, and spit at me
But my heavy, blackened heart
Would pull me without hesitation
Like an anchor to the depths.
I cross my heart, hope to die,
Always staring with tired eyes but,
Oh, what is it I see riding on the breakers?
A bottle corked containing a message from afar.
“Dear friend, come home.
Fear not. Just swim.
I am with you always.”
(Dear child, I am always with you. Just open up your eyes)
This is the last breath I’ll take alone.
I’m coming home.
(This is the last time I’ll walk on this shoreline.
I’m crossing. These waters are frigid and not mine.)
Your love endures
Even when an ocean stands between us.
I’m coming home and nothing will stop me.
This ocean of self-doubt will soon become
Dry sand beneath my feet
As I run home
Toward my Lord with open arms
I’ll see you running towards me with your open arms
I’ve made up my mind
(Jesus, my God, my rescuer)
I’m coming home.
This is the last breath I’ll take alone.
I’m coming home.
After all, what was it I was thinking?
To find my own way?
To think I had forgotten
That you are my only hope…
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Madison East Cleveland, Ohio
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